Punishment
Discipline and punishment are two things that are fairly new to me. I honestly can’t remember Mr. B doing many things that required either, so it’s been a bit of a struggle with the twins. I think when you have two toddlers at the same stage egging each other on, a lot more mischief happens. And that’s putting it mildly.
Sure. There was the one time that Mr. B unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper, and I found him laughing hysterically in the pile of it. And, of course, we had to put a child-lock on the toilet to prevent little fingers from exploring. And there was the fact that are cat was losing hair from the stress of a toddler chasing her around.
OK. Maybe, Mr. B did need a little guidance, but I don’t really ever remember having to use any type of punishment. Although, it’s possible that I just do not remember. That seems to happen after three kids.
The Twinados
But, back to the twins. Together, they can certainly come up with things a single child never would be able to do.
For example, if they had their own rooms, they may be able to have things in it.
As a duo, they’ve created so much destruction, their bedroom is completely empty, with the exception of their beds and their dressers bolted to the walls. Once they figured out how to climb out of their cribs and climb on their changing tables to remove things from the walls, it was all over. Not to mention, the emptying of all their clothes from their drawers. Ugh.
Plus, when you do something, and you have a built-in audience laughing and cheering you on, it makes naughty behavior even more appealing.
The most recent Crime
Most recently, we had an incident that resulted in the first real punishment the twins have had. Now, it wasn’t anything too harsh, but I’m hoping it taught them a lesson.
Here’s what happened:
It was a Saturday a couple of weekends ago. My husband had to work, and he took Mr. B with him. That left me and the twins home for a couple of hours, and we were all planning on doing a family activity in the afternoon. There was an open house at a place that has small trains, and we thought all three boys would love to look at and ride them.
The living room was a complete disaster, so I decided that we should clean up. After having the twins help me put all the trains and trucks away, I got out the broom and swept up. I then scrubbed the floor down. It was a pretty long project, but a much-needed one.
There was also a ton of laundry, so I gave the twins a snack, set them on the couch and turned on one of their favorite shows. I then grabbed their laundry basket, and went right down the hall to put it away in their room.
After only a few minutes, I heard a lot of laughing…which never turns out to be a good sign. The twins had both dumped out all their snacks and were stepping and jumping on them, grinding them into the newly cleaned floor.
I had literally been on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor down only 10 minutes before, so I was really upset. I called my husband in tears, and said that I didn’t think they should go to the train show. He completely agreed, and told me he’s stay with them, while I took Mr. B.
Sure, we’ve threatened to not take them places before when they’ve been fighting or whining, but this was the first time we both stuck to our guns.
The Reasons and Results
I don’t want the twins to think they can do things they are not supposed to, and I want them to understand consequences if they do something wrong. While it’s hard to take things away or not let them do something, following through on punishment is important.
Even though at this age it’s hard to know if they really understand, we need to set boundaries. If they keep getting away with doing things they are not supposed to, they won’t learn they are wrong.
So, the twins were not allowed to go to the train event, and they were pretty upset when I left with Mr. B. Now, besides not going, they didn’t really have any other punishment. They didn’t have to sit in their rooms or not get to play with their toys, so it wasn’t too terrible.
I, however, wanted to make sure they understood what they did was wrong and what they were missing, so I happened to snap a few pictures while we were at the event, and my husband happened to show them.
I guess they got the point.
Since then, we haven’t had anymore food-related incidents. So, they did learn something.
Only Four
Sometimes it’s also hard for me to distinguish between just normal, rambunctious toddler behavior and naughty behavior. I have to remind myself that most times they are not trying to be mean or purposeful with their bad behavior. They are also still working on their communication skills, and sometimes just that leads them to working out frustrations in a not so nice manner.
Everyone says “terrible twos,” but the “frustrating fours” are happening in our house right now…frustrating for everyone in the house.
So when we experience some frustrating behavior,they are sent to their room for a few minutes to calm down. Hitting, biting, and throwing toys at our brothers are behaviors we are working on. Screaming also gets some calm down time.
It’s a continuous learning process for all, and I’m sure will be happening for quite some time in the future.
How do you handle discipline in your house? Do you have a punishment that works or another method that works better?
Discipline is so hard as a parent! I know that I often dole out the same type of punishment to my two older kids, forgetting that they are 5 and 8, so I should adjust accordingly. You’re doing a great job mama!
Thank you Heather!
I dont have any kids but i have three nephews so I understand how hard it’s been for my sister trying to punish them sometimes!
Sometimes it is hard to distinguish between a kid just being a kid and actual bad behavior and I agree bad behavior should be punished. Great post! Hang in there it will get better 😉
Thank you so much!
I would have been bawling my eyes out after working that hard. It looks like the train museum was a hit with Mr. B.
Ooh very naughty boys! I could definitely see how it’s difficult to tell the difference between typical toddler behavior and what’s actually naughty. But it sounds to me like this was something where they probably should have known better so I think it’s good they got some sort of punishment. Especially right after you cleaned it, I would be in tears too!
I feel the same with my daughter and son. My daughter was really easy to handle, but then my son came along and found new ways to be naughty. Sometimes I wonder how he comes up with some of this stuff!
Yes! They can be way too creative with their behavior.
Omg Shann you are so much better than me, I would have gone nuts! Lol. With Summer in full effect my boys have been getting into so much trouble. My oldest is the worst. I commend you for finding a solution that has worked for you. We have yet to find one.
Well, at least we know we’re not alone?! Hope your boys calm down soon too.
Sounds like you’re doing a good job with those little ones. It’s got to be tough. I think if they know they shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing, then it deserves some kind of punishment. Good work!
Thank you!
We do a calm couch when things get out of control and time outs. I do get strict for my seven year old though sometimes when she’s disrespectful.
I love the idea of a calm couch!
I love how you write honestly about parenting. Punishment is such a hard topic too because so many parents have different practices. Thanks for sharing.
Great post, I love how open you are about parenting. I love your parenting style as well.
Thank you so much!
Oh, how I remember what my kids did. I did have to giggle a little. I could clean all day and turn around and have to do it all over again. Now? I can’t say anyone but me made that mess. You will look back and giggle a little yourself and you children will thank you for it.
We’re still figuring out punishment/discipline. It’s such a hard water to navigate through!
I think 4 year olds are probably old enough to have understood this as punishment. I have done something like this before as well. Or my son (who is almost 6) will have relevant things taken away as punishment. Like, if I have to ask him to pick up his trains 20 times, I will take that bin away for a day or 2, and I make sure to explain when he gets it back that it is his choice whether or not he loses them again.
Good job on this though! Sometimes its hard for me not to bring them somewhere because oftentimes, I was excited to go as well! I hope you had fun having some alone time with your oldest!
It was really hard, and I felt really bad, but we still made the best of it. Taking away toys is a great idea too.
Punishment is definitely a hard subject. My daughter was pretty well behaved until she turned 4. Now we find ourselves having to punish her and it breaks my heart.
I know! 4’s are soooo hard.
Those boys definitely keep you on your toes Shann! But you are such an amazing mother! I always love seeing what you are going to write about next when it comes to the boys. Remember just breath. 🙂
Yes, definitely need to remember that 🙂 Thanks Mistle!
I am more strict with my son than my toddler, but I know she does know right and wrong so she def gets punished too. Its hard to find a balance, I just do my best for each situation.
Having kids is hard let alone having multiple… so you are very open and honest about the challenges that arise with having them. Especially boys – they tend to be more hands on. I’m a preschool teacher so I get kids from 2-4 years of age…
For me what I do with the kids is use it as a teaching lesson. Preschoolers was to do EVERYTHING on their own… so giving them that chance is great for them. Plus it makes them more self sufficient and takes the burden off of you. They make the mess then they have to clean it up. Having kid size cleaning tools is key and that way if they do something similar then they know where the stuff is to clean it up. (Just an idea.)
Raising kids is a whole lot tougher than teaching them. I may work with 10 of them at a time but I get to send them home.
I think the best part is learning and growing with each child is great. You are doing a fantastic job.
I think you chose a fair punishment for your twins. With our kids, we’ve used 1-2-3 Magic as a guide and that’s been a good framework for us. The main thing when it comes to parenting is follow through because then your kids know you are serious when you give a consequence.