Mommy Friends Needed
When I was pregnant with our first son, I didn’t have any close friends with children, or mommy friends. I wasn’t worried, though. I had recently gotten married, and not much had changed. Once my baby came, I figured we’d just bring our baby out with us or get a sitter. Our life and friends would not change at all. As I alluded to in my post last week, boy was I wrong. Kids change everything, including friendships.
It didn’t really occur to me that all my friends would still be working their full-time jobs, going out most nights, and having time for long, leisurely restaurant dinners, while I would be home all day and exhausted each night. It’s not that I didn’t still want to go to bars and talk about the hottest new spot, but I actually didn’t. I wanted someone to commiserate with me over my non-sleeping through the night baby, or someone who wouldn’t care that I was in sweatpants with spit-up on my shirt. While I loved being able to be home with my son, the first couple months were long and lonely.
Changes
I had to make some changes. I needed some friends that understood the demands of motherhood, and wouldn’t get grossed out talking about dirty diapers. I needed some mommy friends. I tried a lot of different things, and while not all of my suggestions may work for you, I hope you’ll find at least one way you feel comfortable making new mommy friends.
Where to Look for Mommy Friends
Find Groups Online
Even though my first son was born almost 5 years ago, technology was still a huge help to me. I have never been a big “joiner” of groups, and truthfully, I’m a little shy when it comes to meeting new people, so the Internet really helped me meet mommy friends.
Meetup
After Googling “Mommy groups,” the first site I found was Meetup. You can search for groups in your area, with any interest you are looking for. I looked for a stay-at-home moms’ group, but there are working mom groups too. There are groups for mothers of multiples, single parents, and special needs parents. Most groups charge a small fee (between $5 and $15) to join, and then they give you access to all of their upcoming events. They schedule play dates at local parks, the zoo, and even other members’ homes. You can pick and choose what you want to go to, and there’s an RSVP button so you can see what other members will also be there. Each member also has a profile with a picture, so you know who you are meeting. I would choose events that were close to where I lived, and ones that did not have too many people, so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed. I also looked for activities that fit my child’s age, so there would be mom’s going through the same milestones as me. I was nervous to go to my first event, but when I realized the other moms were just as nervous, I felt better and had a great time.
Nextdoor
Another great site is Nextdoor. It’s a way for you to create a group in your neighborhood and get to know your neighbors. After having my second and third (twins,) children, we moved, and I didn’t know anyone around me. This site allows you to send free postcards inviting all your neighbors to join and create a centralized Website. Once they join, you can send messages or set up events. I described our family in our profile, and within a few weeks, I had two moms send me messages about meeting up to take a walk. This summer we’re having our first block party.
One other AWESOME thing about signing up for Nextdoor, is if you use my referral link and set up your neighborhood with at least 10 neighbors, we’ll both get a $25 Amazon Gift card! I know it works because I’ve gotten one before. Just click HERE to be taken to their site and sign up.
Of course, last, but certainly not least, there is Facebook. There are tons of mom groups, support groups, and special interest groups, but sometimes it can be a challenge to find local groups. I stumbled upon a great group of moms through a rummage sale site, so sometimes it’s just a shared interest on top of being a mom. I also have met tons of great ladies that live all around the US. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to just have a conversation over the computer or phone without the pressure of meeting in person. You can really get to know someone without even “meeting” in person. I, luckily, have had a chance to meet a few non-local people through some fundraising events, and I’m hoping to have more reasons to travel in the future.
Of course, always use caution when meeting new people Online, and don’t put yourself or your children in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.
Get out and about
If computers are not your thing, or you are leery of meeting people Online, there are plenty of other ways to meet other parents. You need to go where kids want to hang out, but sometimes as a new mom, you’re not even sure where those places are. Here are some ideas.
The Library
Local libraries are a great place to meet other moms and dads. Most have a story time, and even a little indoor play area. Some have two story times for different age groups. Parents go in with the little ones, while the older children just go with the librarian. This gives you with toddlers a chance to bond over your children who won’t sit still and listen, or if you have an older child, actually talk to another parent for an uninterrupted half hour. Not all parents are there to meet others. Some just want a half hour of peace and quiet, which is OK too. Just look for the cues, (mom sitting and smiling wants to talk, mom with head in a book does not,) and you’ll be fine.
Parks, Zoos, and Playgrounds
Speaking of play grounds, local parks, zoos, and play grounds are another great place to meet other mommy friends. You can say a quick hello while you’re trying to climb up the ladder to follow your child, or try to start a conversation while pushing your little one in the swings. While you may not get a big chance to talk, if you start going to the same play ground over and over, you’ll start seeing and being a familiar face, which always helps. I would always try to keep a smile on my face, and look for kids in the same age range. “How old is your child?” or “I’m sorry my child just shoved yours on the slide,” are always great openers.
Indoor Play Areas
In Wisconsin, we’re definitely in need of indoor spots to meet potential mommy friends for when the weather does not cooperate. There are plenty of indoor play spots such as open gyms, bounce/trampoline parks, and children’s museums. If you have young children, however, you may spend all your time chasing them instead of meeting other moms, and they can get expensive. This is again where I recommend sticking with one place. You can try out a few to see which fits your personality best, and then purchase a membership or a group of tickets at a cheaper rate. That way you can save a little money, become familiar with your surroundings, and be “regulars.”
Shopping Malls
If your children are too little, or indoor play is not your thing, the shopping mall is a great alternative for mommy friend making. There’s no admission charge, there are toy stores, people watching, food, and window shopping for mom. What’s not to love? My oldest has always been a huge fan of the different holiday decorations and lights too. I would frequent the children’s clothing stores so much, that I got to know the sales clerks at my favorite stores. This led to discussing their children, and friendships started. I’ve also met people while in the checkout line, or even in the food court.
Now remember, even though you will have met a ton of new mommy friends, it doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to your old friends. Being a mom is just one part of who you are, and while you may need someone to understand that part, it’s nice to have friends who know the other parts too.
I used Meetup too when I became a new mom! I was desperate to meet people going through the same stage as me! I made some lifelong friendships there and 4 years later our kids have grown up together and are best buddies!
That’s awesome!
I’m looking to make mommy friends now. This was very helpful! I’m going to look these up for sure!
Awesome! Thanks!
Awesome advice. I need to find some mommy friends because my best friend doesn’t have any kids and we barely talk anymore. I like these suggestions, I’ll have to cheek out Next Door. Sounds cool!
Yes, it works really well. They mail out the postcards, so it doesn’t cost you a thing. 🙂
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I am my only pregnant friend. My cousins have kids but the youngest is 2. My one friend who will surely listen to Mom stories and hang out is moving out of state in 3 weeks. I looked into Meetup and the one group I like closed down this morning. Ugh! I’ll cruise the local library scene and check out Meetup groups in other areas.
Yes, it is definitely hard at first. If you lived in my area, we could hang out 🙂
It is so hard to meet new people, especially if you never get out (like I don’t… At least, it feels like I don’t). Thank you for giving these tips… I feel like I may branch out a bit! – Jerusha, TheDisneyChef.com
It IS hard. I know sometimes just getting the kids dressed and into the car is enough of an activity for the day 😉 thanks for reading!
Being only 20 and childless, I can still relate to what you say because of my Mothers experiences! I love how you write because even though the topic doesn’t pertain to my life directly, it pulls on my heartstrings where I can try and relate (if that makes sense) …
I guess the simple comment would have been: great post! Keep writing lol but of course I made it complicated.
Thanks for sharing girl 🙂
Thanks Samantha. I really appreciate that…it’s quite a compliment. 🙂
Love this post! I didn’t know about NextDoor or Meetup–both sound awesome! For me, joining local mom groups was a lifesaver after my first child was born!!!
Thank you!
These are some great ideas! I was blessed to have (single and married and mommy) friends who adapted with me! Some of my most convenient friends are childless – they can get out and see me at the drop of a dime! Hahaha!
Very true! 🙂
How about those of us that don’t really like meeting new people even thought we should? Just kidding. Sort of. I would like to make new friends, but have trouble putting myself out there.
It’s gotten a little easier for me as I get older, but I sometimes struggle with that too.
I was just commiserating with some other moms about how hard it is to make friends. And the odd thing is we’re all part of the same huge Mommy Group. This post had some very helpful information. Thank you!
You’re welcome. Thanks for reading.
Friends and relationships certainly do change. I also found a lot of support in online groups. …especially during my pregnancy.
Yes, me too. Thanks for reading!
This is great advice. It can be hard to find new mommy friends I was lucky, my husband met this awesome mother at the park who was starting a mommy club. Our kids became best friends the moment they met and all of us moms have become great friends!
So cool!
I’ve been thinking about this so much lately! I’m in a weird stage where most of my best friends live out of state, but I don’t have super close friends where I live. The friends I do have here are already moms, so I hope to reconnect/deepen those friendships when my first is born! We did just move to a new town, so I’m excited to keep meeting neighbors and new friends in this community. Thanks for these helpful tips!
You’re welcome! And the best of luck to you.
Great post on how to meet and make mommy friends. I find it’s so important for especially new mother’s not to isolate themselves. Moms need to connect with women in person for the sake of their mental health. Thank you so much for sharing this with other moms.
You’re welcome, and thank you for reading.
Like you, I too sought out other moms who were in the same stage of life as I was. It’s hard to talk about life with kids to single or no-kid friends. They are clueless! We had some Mommy & Me groups that I joined and connected with other moms! Good advice and tips for new moms!
Thank you!
this is such important advice and great suggestions!
Thank you!
These are great tips! I used most of them when I had my daughter 9 years ago and they worked out well for me. I made great connections and our kids are still great friends. Even if you don’t meet people right away, it’s still good to get out of the house!
Definitely! Thanks for reading!
I met a lot of my mom friends in my local MOMS Club. It was great to know I was not alone.
Yes! Thank you.
Great suggestions! I was so lonely with my first that I actually STARTED a meetup group for new moms. That connection is so important!
That’s awesome!
Wow! I never knew about these sites! I went to a lot of library programs and tried a few mommy groups in the area when my kids were young. Mostly I found friends at our church and when the kids went to school I met a lot of parents and families there.
I’ve awlays had a hard time making mommy friends. I was a really young mom and could never really relate to anyone. Thanks for sharing the great tips!
And I had a hard time because I started late, and felt everyone was so much younger. I guess it’s just hard no matter what 🙂
Great ideas!!! I only have a few friends that have kids but the majority don’t! I really need to make some mommy friends! I tried meet up but it seemed it was all stay at home moms. I’ll have to look again! I love the next door idea!
It’s a really cool site. Not only can you meet your neighbors, but you can set up rummage sales, block parties, etc.
Nextdoor sounds amazing! That’s so cool that your can meet like that.
Mikayla | A Seersucker State of Mind.
Yes, it’s really worked well. You should try it! 🙂
YES! It is SO important to have mom friends! That community is such a huge deal when you’re sleep deprived and positive your littles are actually working together to sabotage you! 😉
Ha ha! It really is! Thank you.
I had heard of meetup but I had never heard of nextdoor.com. What a smart idea, and great that it worked well for you. One thing I do when I move to a new city is check to see if there is a NewCommers Club. Quite often they have events for Moms and Tots to participate in. Have you ever heard of them?
I haven’t. I’ll have to check and see if my city has anything like that. Thank you for the suggestion!
Libraries and playgrounds were a great place to meet mom friends. Great tips and suggestions!
Thank you!
Great post! My husband is in the military so we are always moving, and this makes it extra hard! But Facebook and his social activities have been very helpful 🙂
Awesome! Thanks for reading!
Aww, your kiddo’s are adorable! These are great ideas!
Thank you!
Hi – this is a very complete post. =D I am a daycare provider and used to be a nanny and I had many of the same problems you did. I think I spent the first 5 years of nanny work on my own. It was so hard making friends – I was able to make sure the kids got out and met friends. Even if that meant we went to burger king and bought milk so I felt good about turning them loose in the playground area. It’s a very isolated life – but the difference you make in that child’s life is so worth it.
Wonderful post!!!
Thank you so much Tina!
It is sooo Important to find Mommy friends in life. Trust they need friends as much as you do 😉 just reach out!!!
Yes! Thank you!
Great article for mothers who are out of the social loop! This could surely help mothers get out there.
Thank you!
It is hard to make friends when you choose to be a stay at home mom. It can be lonely. My kids are getting old enough that I can start enjoying life a little.
Yes, I agree. Glad you can get out now 🙂
I love this post! I don’t have kids, but it’s awesome to know about this kind of stuff in advance. As of right now, I’m one of the only ones of my friends that are married, so I’m guessing the same trend could continue with kids in the future. 🙂
Thank you!
These are great tips. I can relate. I didn’t know a lot of mommy with kids when I had my first child. It’s nice to know that there are support groups where you can make friends with other moms.
Thank you!
Having mommy friends is important. It’s great that now you can easily find groups where you can meet other moms.
Yes, I agree 🙂
Great tips, Shann! After college, it’s so hard finding friends that you have GENUINE (as opposed to surface) connections with. Especially when you’re a SAHM and don’t have the luxury of socializing with co-workers every day. Cheers!
Thank you!
I have tried MeetUp before. It is a great way to connect with other moms.
That’s exactly how I made friends when the kids were younger. It automatically puts you around people with commonalities.
Awesome!
I think there’s a big similarity between making friends in your 20s and making friends with other parents/people who understand your life with kids. It’s so freaking difficult! Thank you so much for all the resources! I’ll definitely pass these along and keep them in mind!
It is difficult at every stage, I totally agree. Thanks for stopping by and reading!
Yes! Finding mommy groups online is easy-peasy! 🙂 Facebook has a ton and the ones that I joined I was actually screened by the moderator before I joined which I thought was absolutely awesome. She asked me a bunch of questions before letting me into the group! 🙂
That’s awesome, and so smart.
It can definitely be intimidating meeting new friends when you’re a mom! I was lucky to meet a lot of great first-time moms through a Mommy and Me music class I joined with my daughter. We’re still friends today 🙂 Thanks for sharing at the Manic Mondays blog hop!
Thanks again for hosting!
I’ve never heard of Nextdoor before! It sounds super interesting! Might be useful for me, too, even though I’m not a mom. 🙂
xo, Caitlin
And Possibly Dinosaurs
Yes, it’s great for anyone that wants to get to know their neighbors 🙂
What great ideas! I’m struggling with not knowing a lot of people in my immediate area. I’d never heard of those first two sites you mentioned. I’ll have to check those out for sure.
Great to be co-hosting the #homemattersparty with you this week.
Thank you so much! Great to be co-hosting with you too!
These are great ideas. I’m actually in sort of the complete opposite situation, where everyone I know has kids except for me but I’ve used meetup to try to make some friends in the past. It might be time to try something like that again. Thanks for sharing!
Sure! Thank you for reading!
I use a new app called MomCo. Meeting new friends is really hard. Thanks for your post. Thanks for cohosting #HomeMattersParty
I’ll have to check out that App. Thank you!
Such good suggestions. I’ve met lots of mommies at the park :). Also, once the kids start school they start to schedule their own playdates which has a way of bringing mom’s together.
We’re looking forward to another week of the #HomeMattersParty with you!
Thank you! Yes, it’s going to be fun!
This is great. I have a lot of friends with kids, I think I’m one of the few ‘kidless’ friends that totally understands the demands on their time!
Thank you! It’s awesome that you understand.