I did not have the “typical” second baby experience. Early on in my second pregnancy, even when I was just thinking about having another baby, I thought about all the things I would do differently or improve upon when my second baby arrived. All of this went out the window when first, we found out we were having twins, and second, when there were lots of complications.
For those mothers who do have a healthy pregnancy, and a more typical (is there really such thing?) second baby experience, I wanted to share another mother’s perspective.
Today, I have a guest writer and mother of three, who would like to share her experience, and the things she learned from her first baby. Here is Tracey Clayton with The Second Baby- The Things That I did Differently.
Like any first-time mother, I had lots of frustrating baby-related experiences in the postpartum period, and many of them taught me lessons for life. In fact, I sometimes think of the first pregnancy as a training of a kind for the next time a baby-bearing stork knocks on the door – so here are some common pitfalls I avoided the next time.
In my first pregnancy I heard tons of wise advice about baby care. I regret some of my choices in the postpartum period, like excessive cradling of the baby in loving arms when putting her to sleep. Babies quickly get accustomed to being carried around, and once the habit is set, the way back to freedom is a thorny one indeed. Before your turn into your baby’s slave, teach it independence, and make sure everyone in your environment respects your decision. When my first daughter was born, we lived with my husband’s parents, and they just wouldn’t let her out of their hands. Looking back, I understand the reasons for their overly protective behavior – she was their first grandchild and they wanted to make her happy, or at least get her to stop crying (elderly folks are highly intolerant of sobbing babies). After my husband got transferred to another town for work, we moved, so I put that habit back right, although it took time, effort and a whole bunch of wrecked nerves. So, if you’re about to climb the baby train, get a home of your own – too much tender, love and care are counter-effective with a baby onboard.
Extreme cleanliness is another of my motherly failures. Eager to protect my child from germs, bacteria and other potential hazards for baby health, I cleaned the house daily, ironed all baby clothes and napkins, sterilized spoons and bottles etc. I did it all on my own, as I had nobody to help me out (even if I had, I would’ve felt reluctant to ask for assistance for fear of losing credibility as a responsible adult). So, that’s another tip for a young mother: number one, always ask for help (pay for it if you must, it’s money well spent), and secondly, don’t overprotect your child. Babies need to be exposed to their natural environment to build immunity, which is impossible in a 100% sterile home.
One more mistake I made with her was to avoid pacifiers and bottle-feeding. As a baby, she was often irritated and angry and she kept sucking her thumb but I refused to give her a pacifier because I was told it would be bad for her teeth. Sometimes she’d fall asleep in my arms and wake up when inside her cradle – in those moments, a pacifier could have saved me a ton of nerves, energy and rest time. I was also told to avoid bottle-feeding, so I spoon-fed her instead, and consequently, I always had tons of laundry to do after mealtime. When my second baby was born, I used pacifiers and baby bottles from the beginning – with mother’s persistency and commitment, babies can grow out of them over time.
Another mistake yet: I spent hours busying around the kitchen making her meals she wouldn’t even taste. For added flavor and smoother feed-time, add a pinch of salt to your baby’s veggies, and use a food-prep gadget – I didn’t want to spend extra cash on it, but now I know it could’ve saved me a whole lot of time and strength. The same goes for hers first birthday – trying to save some cash, I organized the birthday party free of charge in a local pub owned by our friend, I made the cake myself – and the whole deal went disastrously. Knowing what I know now, I would’ve booked an indoor play space and hired professional animators like Superheroes to entertain the little ones – that would’ve been a party to fondly remember for the rest of my life.
With my other girls I didn’t repeat the same mistakes and I strongly advise you to take my piece of wisdom seriously: after all, you have to be the boss of your life, even with a baby in it.
About author:
Tracey Clayton is a full-time mom of three beautiful girls and dedicated housewife. She loves cooking, baking, sewing, spending quality time with her daughters and she’s passionate in writing. Hers motto is: “Live the life you love, love the life you live.” Find her on: Facebook, Twitter and Google +.
I remember those days. I was so much more relaxed when baby number two came around. It’s been a long time. My boys are teenagers now. Looking ahead I hope to be the right kind of grandma. Hopefully that’s not for another 15 years.
Being the boss of your life and with your kids is critical. The advice that was thrown at you was crazy with both of my kids. Almost overwhelming at times. I found that when I listened to my own mom instincts everything just kicked in and worked fine.
Love these posts!
🙂
When I had my second baby, I was much “tougher” with him than with Olivia. I didn’t rock him to sleep and I didn’t carry him everywhere, etc. And now that I have had my third baby, 7 years after my second baby, I regret doing that. LOL. I know how fleeting those baby and toddler years are and I really miss my older two kids (now 10 and 7) wanting me to lay with them till they fall asleep, wanting to sit on my lap and cuddle all of the time, etc. So I’m totally sucking it all up with Penelope because I know she wants all of that because she needs it. Not to say my older two aren’t total lovebugs. They still are, most definitely. It’s just that they are a bit heavier. LOL!
We learn as we go, don’t we? On the job training! 🙂
Exactly .:)
That’s right! 🙂
I am not a mom but I am sure most first time moms make similar mistakes and learn as they go!
I can only imagine how much you learn after your first child. And then of course every child is different. Parenting is definitely a learn as you go sort of thing 😉
I always wonder how much my different parenting of the second compared to the first has impacted who they are as people. Probably will never know really, but it’s so true, things that seemed so important the first time don’t as much the second time, and maybe vice versa!
I was so nervous with my first child. I had no clue what I was doing. But after that, with my second and third, it was just easier. Everything was easier! I think I learned to loosen up quite a bit 🙂
We do the best we have with what we have and learn as we go! I got more relaxed with each baby too!
Every child is different. Parenting is not easy but very rewarding. My daughter cries every morning.. Thats how i start my day, not quite easy but I am going to enjoy every moment.
You are so right about the grandparents. They love to spoil their grand kids! I know that and I appreciate the help, but it’s just so hard to stick to your rules when you are staying with them.
Yes, that’s why I wrote that…somebody could say that I’m insensitive…
I especially like what you wrote about asking for help….this will always be my biggest regret is that I didn’t hire someone to come help me when I needed help. I tried to do it all and so my first born didn’t get some needed time and attention when the second baby came(twins so 2nd and 3rd). Beth, WiseMommies
I’m doing so many things differently this second time around, and I’m enjoying it more this time! I’m actually finding two is easier than one, but there’s a 6 year gap so I have a built in helper. 🙂
Thank you everyone for all your lovely messages and comments… I really appreciate it! :))
Thank you for sharing with us Tracey!
Good lessons to be learned. As long as you have a healthy family, that is ultimately all that matters.
My second baby experience was much better than my first for several reasons for which I am grateful as you are. Thanks for sharing!
🙂
I have 5 children. Isn’t it funny how we do things differently after having the 1st? It is definitely a learning curve!
Wow! You are very rich women Nicole 🙂
I was just thinking the other day how mother spend stressful hours worrying and making sure first child experience is perfect and the 2nd & 3rd child it’s a different world. we become complacent and familiarity breathe confidence.
I have twins, so I got the first and second baby in one go. It’s really important that you keep the balance between your kids so as the other doesn’t feel left out.
I agree. I went from 1 to three, since I had twins second. 🙂
This is a great post. I remember all of my pregnancies like it was yesterday. I am sure expectant mothers will find this post extremely useful.
Thank you Victoria for your kind words 🙂
Yes i did lots different second time round too
We are all much wiser after that scary first time 🙂
Too much TLC can be counter-productive. I see it with a good friend of mine who is creating a very spoiled child (though I love her child so). 🙂
Learning from your missteps is definitely the best way to move forward.
Thank you Karen 🙂