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You are here: Home / Blog / NICU Awareness Month and How to help a NICU family

NICU Awareness Month and How to help a NICU family

September 28, 2016 By Shann 24 Comments

NICU Awareness Month

Did you know September is NICU Awareness Month? Even though September is coming to an end, I wanted to squeeze one last post in, since it’s such an important topic to me.

NICU Awareness Month, How you can help a family going through the NICU
Photo Credit: ReNee Beau Bixler

 

If you’ve read my blog before, you are probably familiar with what a NICU is. However, if it’s your first time here, that’s OK. I’m here to tell you all about the NICU and how you can help a family that is struggling right now.

First, NICU stands for Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. It’s the part of the hospital that takes care of critically ill newborns and infants. While premature babies are cared for in the NICU, like my twins, full-term babies can need their care too. The NICU takes care of all babies that are extremely sick.

If you’ve ever had a friend or family member in ICU, then you may be familiar with what Intensive Care looks like. There is a lot of concern for anyone in this unit of a hospital, along with special procedures to ensure safety. Many adult patients are kept in isolation in an ICU.

Unlike an ICU, however, not all babies have their own private rooms. It really depends on how the hospital is set up. All babies do have their own incubator, or have their own crib, as they get older, bigger, and healthier. They see special doctors called Neonatologists, and often have primary care nurses.

In the NICU

When a family has a baby in the NICU, it can be a very difficult time for everyone involved. Often times, it really is a life or death situation. Emotions run very high, and it can be hard to know exactly what to do.

As a mother to two NICU babies, I know that I myself felt helpless, but I also knew that the people around our family were unsure with how they could help. Many of them were never in this situation before, and didn’t realize how serious it was. Every day we were making decisions that could have long-term effects on our children’s lives, and it was terrifying.

So, I wanted to write this post, not only for NICU Awareness Month, but for every day of the year that a family is struggling. I’m going to share what I think would have, and did help our family, and what you want to avoid if you know a family with a baby in the NICU.

How you can help a NICU Family for NICU Awareness Month
Photo Credit: Sophia Carney and Heather Pijanowski

How you can help

  • Listen and ask questions

Even though it is a difficult time, it may really help the mom/dad/caregiver to talk about their baby and what they are going through. Really listen to what they are saying and ask questions about things you don’t understand. We may not always have the answers, but we’ll really be glad you’ve taken an interest and asked.

Also, ask about the mom/dad/caregiver. Ask if they are doing OK, and if they need to talk about what they are going through.

  • Respect their wishes

If you’ve tried asking questions, and they don’t feel comfortable talking about certain things, respect their privacy. If they don’t want visitors, or can’t have visitors, don’t push. When they ask you to stay away when you or your family is sick with a cold, do it. If they ask you to get vaccinated before visiting their baby, do it, or just don’t visit.

They have enough to worry about without worrying if they’ve hurt your feelings.

  • Offer Support

Not only is your emotional support needed, but there are other ways your support may be needed. If the NICU family has other children at home, can you offer childcare? Often times, small children are not allowed in the NICU, and having a trusted babysitter available is such a stress reliever.

Make meals, send gift cards, or even offer rides to the hospital. Taking away some of normal “life” responsibilities is a huge help to families that are just struggling to make it through the day.

  • Be Understanding

If the family doesn’t want to talk, if they shut you out, or if they are rude, please be understanding. They may snap at you or take our their frustrations on you without meaning to.

The NICU family is not trying to hurt your feelings by not coming to your birthday/wedding/party. They just can’t imagine going to a happy event while their child is fighting to live.

Or maybe they do think they want the distraction, but then get overwhelmed once they are in a social situation. Every day life gets really difficult when something so serious is happening. A simple, “Hi. How are you?” can start a flood of tears.

Just be there when they want you to, but know that they made need to be alone too. You need to forgive anything said/done during this time because it is an extreme circumstance.

NICU Awareness Month and How to help a NICU family
Photo Credit: ReNee Beau Bixler, Sophia Carney, and Heather Pijanowski

What not to do

  • Stop being their friend

While you may often not know what to do, or fear you are saying the wrong thing, don’t give up on your friendship. The NICU family may not have as much time for you, but it doesn’t mean they don’t need you.

Once they get out of the hospital, things don’t automatically go back to normal. They may need to keep their baby in isolation to protect them from germs. There may be tons of follow-up appointments and therapies.

They need people in their lives that will understand, and accept them in their new way of life.

  • Stop Trying

Even if you’ve invited your NICU family friends to dinner, to a party, or just over to your house, and they’ve refused or can’t make it, please keep trying. At the beginning of their journey, it may be too much to socialize, but later, they may really need it.

Also, even if they can’t go to your event, it’s still nice to know you haven’t forgotten about them.

  • Pass Judgement

Unless you’ve had a baby in the NICU fighting for their life, it may be very hard to understand what exactly your friend is going through. It’s easy to think you would do things differently or better, but it is not your place to judge how another person handles it.

It is so hard to make critical decisions for someone who is depending on you. Please respect whatever decisions they make and support them.

My Own Experience

I really hope these tips were helpful. However, they are only things that I learned from my own experience. Another NICU mom or dad may have had a different experience or need different things.

The most important thing you can do is ask and try to learn. NICU Awareness month is the perfect time to learn more about the NICU and what happens there. Do you have a local NICU near your home town?

Many NICUs are in need of donations, like baby clothes, or volunteers, to help hold babies whose families can’t be there.

Spread Awareness

While NICU Awareness month may be ending, it doesn’t mean we need to stop spreading awareness. Share this post, talk to your friends, or support a charitable organization that helps the NICU. Organizations like the March of Dimes, Hand to Hold, and Project Sweet Peas are all wonderful.

A huge thank you to Renee Beau Bixler, Sophia Carney, and Heather Pijanowski for sharing their NICU pictures with us. They are all NICU families and TTTS families that share a passion for awareness.

NICU Awareness Month and How you can help a NICU Family
Photo Credit: ReNee Beau Bixler and Sophia Carney

 

Have ever met a baby that spent time in the NICU? Are you a NICU family too? Was this information helpful? Please let me know in the comments.

 

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Filed Under: Blog, Hospital, Micro Preemie Mondays, NICU, TTTS Tagged With: Family, friends, Hand to Hold, hospital, ICU, Intensive Care Unit, life or death, march of dimes, neonatal intensive care unit, neonatologist, NICU, NICU Awareness Month, project sweet peas, September, TTTS, twin to twin transfusion syndrome

Comments

  1. Lauren G says

    September 28, 2016 at 9:01 am

    Thanks for sharing. It is hard to know how to be there for friends going through this. It is so hard to watch what is supposed to be the happiest occasion turn into what seems like an endless time just holding your breath that everything is okay. There is nothing worse than worrying for your baby, I can’t imagine the love and strength needed to get through it!

    Reply
    • Shann Eva says

      September 28, 2016 at 8:27 pm

      Yes, thank you Lauren. I’m glad this was helpful 🙂

      Reply
  2. Mary Barham says

    September 28, 2016 at 9:38 am

    This is so helpful from someone who hasn’t experienced this… Knowing ways we can help! You are a strong woman!

    Reply
    • Shann Eva says

      September 28, 2016 at 8:26 pm

      Thank you Mary!

      Reply
  3. Fullest Mom says

    September 28, 2016 at 10:00 am

    Your posts are always so powerful. I can’t even imagine… but I’m glad that you created this post for people like me. It’s a delicate time and when unprepared, people make the craziest decisions, like stop being someone’s friend. Spreading awareness can help. Thank you for taking the time to write about the details that many of us overlook, or simply don’t understand.

    Reply
    • Shann Eva says

      September 28, 2016 at 8:26 pm

      Thank you so much! I’m so glad it helped.

      Reply
  4. Erin says

    September 28, 2016 at 10:58 am

    I appreciate these tips you shared. Sometimes it’s hard as a friend to know exactly how to support another friend. Such a tough time for parents to go through.

    Reply
    • Shann Eva says

      September 28, 2016 at 8:26 pm

      Thank you Erin!

      Reply
  5. Georgiana says

    September 28, 2016 at 11:03 am

    I can’t even imagine what everyone goes through for long term NICU care. Our middle child was there for 48 hours and it about killed me. So many emotions, for sure!

    Reply
    • Shann Eva says

      September 28, 2016 at 8:26 pm

      Yes. Thank you Georgiana.

      Reply
  6. Ellie Augustin says

    September 28, 2016 at 11:45 am

    Our youngest was born at 27 wks (she’s 3 1/2 today) I love to go visit our NICU each year and leave treats for our nurses because it was so amazing to me yes our docs were awesome but the nurses were even much more and I am so thankful for them. Thank you for sharing this

    Reply
    • Shann Eva says

      September 28, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      Yes! I agree! NICU nurses are amazing!

      Reply
  7. Tyane Milem says

    September 28, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    One of my friend’s was in a car accident when she was 18 weeks along. She ended up delivering at 25 weeks. Watching her journey was so scary, but so inspiring, I started helping her with March of Dimes. Today, her little preemie is now a kindergartener and keeps thriving every day. This right here is so true and inspiring to others.

    Reply
    • Shann Eva says

      September 28, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      Thank you! That is such an inspiring story about your friend. So happy to hear her preemie is doing so well! We also help the MOD every year 🙂

      Reply
  8. Stef@CraftyChristian says

    September 28, 2016 at 8:31 pm

    My nephew was in the NICU after being born at 30 weeks. It’s so amazing to see how babies that are born so early and small can still grow into healthy children and adults because of all the NICU can offer. <3

    Reply
  9. Shortsweetmom says

    September 29, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    I think it is wonderful that you have brought so much awareness to this subject. My brother and sister are twins and were born early. I was only four but I remember watching them from the waiting room area. We were blessed to have family and friends that helped to care for me so my parents could be at the hospital. Thank you for sharing these wonderful tips. ❤️

    Reply
  10. amotherworld says

    September 30, 2016 at 9:31 am

    I can’t imagine having a baby in NICU… you’re right about keep asking to help, or for dinners etc. At some point, the family will be ready to have company.

    Reply
  11. Brittany @ Grace, Love, Life says

    November 21, 2017 at 10:59 am

    One of my best friends gave birth to a NICU baby on November 4th. She was 24 weeks so he is tiny and doing well but still has a long way to go. We talk almost every day. I kind of want to send her a gift, especially since I missed her baby shower, but I have no clue what would be appropriate. I gave birth to my own baby boy on November 2nd and he was full term and is home with me so I’m not sure how she is feeling about that. We live about 200 miles apart so visiting is out of the question. I’m considering sending a gift card for pizza and a baby gift or something like that. I’d love to hear what you think would be a good gift to send. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Shann Eva says

      November 26, 2017 at 6:39 pm

      Anything that would make her life easier, would make a great gift. So, I think the gift card for food would be awesome. I would definitely send her something for the baby too. Maybe a picture frame or small photo album or something to keep all her keepsakes from the hospital.
      I’m sure she’s very happy for you and your baby, but she’s got a lot on her mind right now. I’m so glad you talk to her every day. She probably needs someone to talk to. If she ever has any questions, I’d be happy to talk to her too.

      Reply
  12. shelah moss says

    November 23, 2017 at 10:53 am

    This is great advice. We all want to help and it’s good to know ways that we can be helpful and supportive.

    Reply
  13. Nazish Khalid says

    September 4, 2019 at 7:28 pm

    Thank you so much !!i had a premature baby and I even can’t explain how much a mother suffer !NICU is not a easy place for parents!!Its a roll caster 😔😔when I was reading your vlog all
    Things were coming to my mind how we spend our 117 days in Nicu !!and how we managed !!recalled all my memories when I hold my baby for the first time !!thank you so much for great vlog

    Reply
    • Shann says

      September 8, 2019 at 6:59 pm

      You are so welcome. Thank you so much for reading. How is your baby doing now?

      Reply
  14. Melissa says

    October 2, 2020 at 11:06 pm

    Your post are so helpful I’m going thru this right now my baby boy was born 11 weeks early and is NICU right now and I’m so lost and hurt for words right now and for anybody to go thru this is feel ur pain ur post help so much thank you

    Reply
    • Shann says

      October 6, 2020 at 8:59 pm

      Thank you so much Melissa. I’m so glad that my posts have been able to help you. I hope your son is doing OK.

      Reply

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Meet Shann

Shann Hi! I'm a mom, writer, and dancer. I love sharing my parenting experiences, my healthy living tips, my money saving ideas, and our travel plans. My passion to help other women inspired this blog. I hope you'll stay a while and come back often.

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