This post has been heavily weighing on my mind for some time now. Sure, life got in the way of writing it, but it was more than that. The third year, when my son was just two-years-old, was one of the hardest years of my life. However, this post is not about me, it’s about him.
I guess that’s what makes it so hard. I will never really know how he was effected by all the events that happened that year. He wasn’t able to tell me how he was feeling about things, at least not in words.
Before I start talking about him, I’ll give you just a little background if you’re new here. About a month after my son turned 2, I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for a couple of months with no success, so it was a bit of a surprise that it finally happened. Plus, we had just sold our house, had no place to live, and were about to move in with my parents until we found a place.
Also, my pregnancy (with my identical twins) was complicated, high-risk, and I was very sick during most of it. You can read all about it HERE.
So, my first baby had a lot to deal with…a sick mommy, a new place to live, and the impending arrival of two more babies. Luckily, he had a lot of people to love him and I had a lot of people helping me during a very emotionally rough time.
Let’s get back to my first-born, and see what he was up to during year three.
He was most definitely still all about his pacifier, which he called his “Fa Fa.” We had just finished nursing, but he didn’t like baby food all that much. He has always been my most picky eater.
He was also still a big cuddler, talked a TON, and liked to read books with me. We spent most days together, since I had to leave my part-time job due to my pregnancy complications.
We probably spent way too much time cuddling and watching TV, but I had to stay horizontal most of the time for my pregnancy, plus I was just so sick all the time. I remember he loved Olivia (the show with the pig,) Elmo on Seasame Street, and Peppa Pig too.
He loved that we were staying at my parent’s house because that meant he got Grandma and Grandpa’s attention all the time.
If you’ll remember, he never liked (or slept) in his crib. At my parent’s house, that meant all three of us crammed into one room sharing a bed. My son loved it. He got to snuggle right in between mom and dad every night.
Other favorite things that year, was Christmas spending time with all his cousins, going to a local train show with Daddy, and taking bubble baths in Grandma’s big tub.
As my pregnancy went on, and I had more appointments, he spent more time apart from me and with other family. It was actually the first time we ever spent a night apart. My son and husband would go and visit his parents, and sometime they would stay overnight, just to let me rest. My son also would go to my brother and sister-in-laws house a lot, and play with his cousins during doctor appointments. He did come with a few times to the doctor since I was there at least twice a week, but mostly it was just too hard to have him there because I would get so upset.
I didn’t know at the time (which I’m very glad about,) that he would always be asking about me and when I was coming to get him or when he would get to come home. I didn’t learn about this until after the twins were born. I don’t think anyone wanted to burden me because I was already emotional and feeling like a failure as a mother because I couldn’t even take care of my own son.
I wish I had more things and favorites to share about my son that year, but most of it was a blur. Doctors appointments, Ultrasounds, bed rest, and being sick in the bathroom are the most vivid memories. That, and all the guilt that I felt because I wanted to play and take care of my baby, but physically couldn’t. I still carry around a lot of guilt from that time.
We also found a house and moved out of my parent’s. Well, my husband moved us all by himself mostly. I didn’t even get to move in until after the babies were born because I was on hospital bed rest at the time.
My most vivid memory of my son during that time was when he would come to visit me in the hospital. He would want to crawl up in the bed with me, but it was so hard because I had all these monitors and wires. I also remember my husband teaching him a song from the radio by the group FUN. He’d sing, “…when you feel like falling down, I’ll carry you home, tonight.” It was the cutest thing. It made me cry every time.
As soon as I had the babies, the first thing we did was take a nap together. I think it’s the first time we both slept peacefully in a long, long time.
So, I’ve made it through about 6 months, and I have to stop. I’ve got more to share, and I’ll continue next Friday. I hope you’ll join me, as my son gets to meet his brothers, and has his third birthday party.