As I’m writing this post and my three little ones are eating a snack while watching Thomas, it creeps in.
It’s the yucky feeling you get in your gut when you know you should be playing, reading, snuggling, or talking to your kids, but you have to get something done. The feeling you get when you wonder if you’re doing a good enough job raising your kids. The emotion that runs through you when your kids are acting out which makes you question what you are doing wrong to have them behave like that.
The time element gets me the most. Whether it be running to the washing machine to put the clothes in the dryer, emptying and reloading the dishwasher, or even standing against the kitchen counter eating my breakfast, I always feel guilty. I should be spending more time with my children.
Of course you can’t be with your kids ALL the time or constantly entertain them, but the guilt is still there.
It’s been especially bad for me this week.
As you read yesterday, we got a new babysitter for the summer. She’s only going to be here a couple of days a week to help while I drop/pick-up my oldest from school, to let me run a few errands alone, to let me work at home, and to help during activities (swim lessons, tumbling,) but it makes me feel extremely guilty. Especially when they are crying when I leave.
Like, “Why can’t I do my job as a mom by myself?” guilt. Or the, “Am I spending enough time with my kids?” guilt. And the big one, “What if they start to like the babysitter more than me cause she plays with them more?” guilt.
The rational side of my brain knows this is silly, but guilt has a funny way of making you question everything.
So, what am I going to do about it?
I’m going to try to manage my time better. When I have the babysitter here, I’m going to try to get as much of “my” stuff done as I can. I’m going to try to run my errands, do some writing, fold some laundry, or maybe even get some exercise. That way, I when I spend time with my kids, I can focus on them, instead of thinking of the other mountain of things I have to do. Quality of time over quantity of time is going to be my new motto. Or mantra. Or something like that.
I’m also going to try and not be so hard on myself. Sometimes kids act out. Sometimes they need to play by themselves. Sometimes I need to take an extra 10 minutes in the basement with the laundry just so I don’t go insane.
What makes you feel the most guilt? How do you deal with it?