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First Born Fridays, Brothers at Last

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Last Friday, I talked about the beginning of my oldest son’s third year. If you missed it, you can catch up HERE.

Basically, I made it through the first 6 months, which was up until his brothers were born.

Right after they were born, I have to say I felt some relief. When they were inside me, I felt like every decision that was made was all on me. I felt solely responsible for getting the twins here healthy and alive. Obviously, the doctors played a part in helping me make decisions, but honestly, quite a few of them told me they didn’t know what to do or what was going to happen. I will never forget being told that I couldn’t feel safe until I was holding my babies in their nursery.

But, again, this post isn’t about the twins or me, it’s about their older brother, who was only 2 years old, at the time.

It was the beginning of May, and after I spent the required three days in the hospital, I went home. I wasn’t fully healed from the emergency c-section, and should have stayed longer, but I wanted to be home with my son. I still had two babies in the hospital, but I knew the doctors were doing everything they could for them. I wasn’t able to hold or even touch them yet, and my 2-year-old needed me desperately.

For the rest of the time the babies were in the hospital, which was three months, I would call the NICU in the morning to check on them. I would then spend a little time with my oldest, then take him to Grandma’s, have a Grandparent come over, or drop him at his cousins. I would then head to the hospital for a few hours, then spend the rest of the day with my oldest. My husband would go to the hospital on his lunch hour or after work, then come home.

The three of us would eat dinner together and watch an episode of Modern Family. For some reason my son really liked it, and it was a good distraction.

A lot of everything else is a bit of a blur. I was pumping all the time, exhausted, stressed out, and emotionally drained. I tried to keep things as normal as possible for my oldest, but it just isn’t normal having two babies in the Intensive care unit of a hospital.

I don’t remember when/how he got potty trained, but I know I wasn’t much help. I know he still loved his “Fa-Fa” pacifier, and also loved to sleep with us, even though he had his own new room.

Over the weekends, we would take him to the hospital to try to see his brothers. He wasn’t allowed in their room because it was a requirement to be 3-years-old and have all your vaccinations. So, if there was a nice nurse working, she would let him come into the hallway, and we would hold him up. He could look thru the glass and see his brothers in their isoletes…just barely.

It was summer, so we tried to do summer things with him too. We took him to run through the sprinklers with his cousins, to sit at the 4th of July Parade, to the zoo to ride the train, and to a church festival, where he got to ride another train….still one of his favorite things to do.

summerb

Somehow we made it through the three months, and all of a sudden, both his brothers came home within days of each other. (He actually thought there would be another one coming at some point too, even though I assured him the two were it.)

summerb (1)

He would call them “his babies,” and want to hold them. He also loved having the home health care nurse and physical therapist come over…which was pretty frequent at the beginning. My son is quite the performer and loves an audience. They were always really good about asking him questions and including him, even though they were there to check on the twins.

summerb (2)

Finally, as we prepared to head into our first winter of isolation, we threw my oldest son his third birthday party. It was just grandparents and one close friend, as we had to be very careful about germs. I still went all out with the decorations, and he had a Thomas the Train theme.

summerb (3)

After that party, we began our lock-down for cold/flu/RSV season. That meant no play dates, preschool, or outings for my oldest. It still breaks my heart that he couldn’t go out and do all the things three-year-olds are supposed to be doing, but we had to think of the health of his brothers.

I hope looking back, he will just remember how much we loved him and his brothers, and not see what he missed.

High-risk pregnancy, along with premature birth, really affects the whole family in such a long-term way. I hope that this post gives you just a little glimpse into what our (and his) life was like, and what others may be facing. That is why fighting to end TTTS/SIUGR and Premature Birth are causes I’m so passionate about.

If you know anyone that needs support, please have them contact me.

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Comments

  1. Wow, what an incredible story. You are such a strong mama to make hard decisions to love and fight for all your kids – both the little ones in the hospital and your little man at home. I’m so glad your boys are finally home so they can be loved on by their big brother! I admire your strength and your courage in what I imagine is such a hard season. Thanks for sharing about your journey!

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  2. I know it’s hard, but I think that looking back he will definitely realize how loved he was instead of what he missed. You are doing the best you can, and that is a wonderful job. That would break my heart so much but your strength is inspiring!

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  4. I’m so glad that you got to spend time each day with all of your kids. I can only imagine how stressful it was to want to be everywhere at once and to divide up your time. You have a beautiful family.

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  6. I can’t imagine how torn you must have felt having to leave the twins at the hospital. One of my friends is going through that now. One of her twins gets to come home, but the other has to stay behind as she’s just had a surgery. She also has an older child to take care of. Moms of preemie twins are so strong!

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  7. I remember when my youngest was born and she was in the NICU for the first week, my other two wanted to meet her so badly. They were only allowed to peek in the window towards the end of the week when we could finally take her into the viewing room. It was hard for too but it did make the day we got to take her home even more special and exciting!

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  8. Thank you for sharing this post. Sounds like a trying time, but so worth it in the end. I have a friend who just had her baby 4 months early and I haven’t heard much yet, but i know she’ll need some support. Sounds like you did a wonderful job of balancing between your oldest and two new additions to the family. Especially since he reacted so well when you brought them home!

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  13. I was very glad you had the positive tone full on 🙂 having one baby in the hospital is stressful enough, can’t imagine double the trouble and pain… Im happy for you and your family! Enjoy every day you have 🙂 as a parent, it’s always about the tough decisions and you always somehow feel/fear you made the wrong ones, but I the end it’s only about love ?

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  15. Oh my gosh, this is so sweet. I love how he called them “his babies.” I’m sure he will appreciate how much you went through for him and his brothers once he gets older and understands a little more.

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  18. You are such a wonderful mommy to have done so much for your older son while still having the twins in the hospital… I don’t know how you did it. I would have been a mess. Your older son will be such a strong adult one day. And at the end of the day, you can’t feel bad for any of the choices you made because they all seem like the right one… plus, he was so young he won’t remember ha. Thank you for sharing!

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  19. I’m not a mom yet and I can’t imagine bringing my second child home, let alone twins that were in the NICU for so long. I’m sure your oldest will understand not being able to do normal three-year-old activities since he seems like such a good big brother.

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  20. Hi Shann, I loved your post…what an incredible story. Hats of to your NEVER GIVE UP attitude in such a critical phase of your life…and yeah your elder son is so cute…God Bless..!!

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  21. Looking at his face in all those pictures, I am quite sure he will remember the love. You did all you could to create normalcy within your very abnormal situation. Thank you for sharing the difficulties as well as the joys!
    Traci

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  22. What a heartwarming glimpse into your life as mama to three beautiful boys! My second son nearly died after an easy labor and birth, much to everyone’s surprise. He was in the NICU for 4 days, and this brings back memories of the stress, the anxiety and prayers. Happy to say he is healthy and his older brother is his best friend.

    I feel in my heart that your older son did not miss out during ‘family lock down’. He and his brother had the precious gift of each other and their loving parents. May your twins, your first born, you and your husband be blessed on the journey of parenthood with health, joy and continued strength!

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  24. I love this post! Thank you for sharing with us. It’s so great you tried your best to give your oldest as much attention as possible and still take him out for summer activities. I’m sure he loved it!

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  25. I cried reading this. I don’t know why, because I don’t have twins and I can’t understand the struggle. But I just felt for you so much! Trying to be a mommy to a 3-year-old and yet giving all of yourself to your knew bundles. Props to you momma. Those boys are so so so lucky to have you!

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  28. Wow that must have been so difficult! My nephew was 2 when hsi sister was born and she was in the NICU for about 2.5 weeks and that felt like forever for everyone involved.

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  30. Wow thank you for sharing your story! I’m so happy everything has worked out and will send positive vibes for a happy and healthy winter for you and your family 🙂 By the looks of things it looks like your oldest is still having a lot of fun!

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  31. What a great post! You’re such a brave and strong mom for your boys. He will remember your love and care for him.

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  33. He’s such a loving little boy, and so cheerful too! I bet you’re super proud to have him, he’s a natural at being the eldest!

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  34. I couldn’t imagine the things that you have had to go through, especially leaving your little darlings at the hospital, but it just makes you a stronger mama in the long run! Love the sincerity and your children will look back at this and cherish at how amazing their mom is!

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  36. I read in a post recently, “Children rarely remember what you do, it’s how you made them feel that really matters”. Your love and best interest of your whole family will be what your son carries from those days, I’m sure. You really, really went through a rough time trying to stay preoccupied thinking of your boys in the hospital or your boy at home. It’s so impressive what you do for other families through your blog <3

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  41. Oh what a beautiful journey – yes, it was challenging, sleepless nights, and all that – but look at you now and those gorgeous boys!!! Much love and blessings to you and your family.

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  42. I can only imagine the heart ache you felt when you could not cater to your oldest and participate in all the fun things that come with that age, but you know what…It seems like he did just fine and that he loves his family and baby brothers dearly. Sometimes we may not know it, but when kids are young they can sense our feelings and can I either act on it or act with it. I think he may have had a general idea of what was going on and he did just fine.

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