Bad mom, terrible mother, worst mama in the world. Just a few titles I feel that could describe me today. This isn’t exactly a new feeling, but lately I’ve been feeling like more of a bad mom than usual. Maybe it’s the weather (it’s been freezing with no sunshine,) maybe it’s my lack of sleep (just not getting good sleep lately,) or maybe it’s just a combination of things. I’m not exactly sure.
However, maybe if I share my reasons with you, I will be more motivated to work on the things I need to work on. Or maybe you have some great suggestions for me!
1. I’m still yelling a lot
I’ve been trying to work on this one for a looooong time, and it just doesn’t seem to be getting better. It seems all three of my boys know exactly which buttons to push, and then keep pushing and pushing until I snap and yell. They also all talk really loudly, so maybe I’m just trying to be heard. Do you ever feel like you talk all day long and no one ever listens?
2. I don’t want to play trains
All my boys want to do is play trains. I’ve tried to play with them, but it always ends up a disaster. I build them tracks, then someone gets mad and destroys it. I build another track, and someone is not sharing a train, and instead throws it at the other person’s head. All three of my boys have bruises above their eyes from flying trains.
I’ve also tried to get them to play with other toys. I have some really cool building blocks and puzzles, but those are interesting for about 5 seconds.
Yesterday, I brought out an art project involving trains. I got these big wooden trains that you can paint yourself on Christmas clearance super cheap. I gave each boy their own, we spread out a drop cloth, and let them paint away. My oldest enjoyed it, but one twin didn’t want to paint at all, and the other just kept getting mad about paint getting on himself. They also did NOT like having to wait for them to dry to play with them again. Not my best idea.
3. I look forward to nap time and bed time
Sure, we all need a break sometimes, but if I didn’t have these times, I’m not sure I could make it through the day.
The constant screaming, pulling on me, climbing on me, running for juice/snacks/milk, fighting with them over changing diapers, breaking up fights between them…it all is exhausting, and I need silence and no one touching me.
4. I let them get away with a lot
If you calm down, I’ll let you watch Thomas. If you take a nap, I’ll give you a treat when you get up.
Those are my two most frequent lines during the day. I know they watch way too much TV, and eat too many easy snack foods/treats, but it’s my only bargaining chip that seems to work.
5. I feel so guilty
I fought so hard for my twins to be born and to be healthy that when I don’t give them enough attention or yell or put them to bed crying, I feel so guilty.
What I’m working on
My son’s art teacher showed me this awesome technique where you breathe in and out while tracing the outline of your 5 fingers. When I’m at my breaking point, I’m going to try this instead of yelling.
2. Letting go
Of the guilt
3. Not comparing
This is really hard when parenting is all over social media all the time, but I need to focus on what can work for us, not other people.
Please don’t judge
It was pretty hard for me to admit these things and put them out there, but I always want to be honest. I definitely try to not make any judgements on other people’s parenting styles because it is hard stuff. I hope you’ll do the same for me. I would, however, love any suggestions or encouragement.
Do you ever feel like a bad mom? Or is it just me?