It’s time to restart the engines.
I’ve been having a tough time around here lately. I feel like I’ve taken 5 steps backwards, yet can’t find the way (or motivation) to get back on track. The restart button needs to be pushed.
I need to be pushed.
So, I’m using my birthday as a chance to reboot the system. Changes are going to be made whether I’m ready or not.
A little update
Summer went by fast. Too fast.
The boys kept busy with summer school and camp, I worked, and we went on a road trip. We went to Summerfest, State Fair, a couple concerts, and church festival or two. Birthdays and NICUversarys were celebrated. We had dinners with friends, bbqs in the backyard, and said farewell to some good friends and neighbors.
I tried to keep up my workouts, but it didn’t happen.
I tried to maintain my weight and not go crazy with overeating. Also, didn’t happen.
Tried to keep up with blogging…and you guessed it. Didn’t happen.
Looking back at my goals for August, I was just embarrassed. I don’t think I crossed off one thing.
When I don’t make healthy choices in one part of my life, it seems I don’t make them at all. I know it shouldn’t be all or nothing, but it seems to snowball for me.
Change has always been hard for me.
For some reason, the start of the new school year hit me particularly hard. My boys are no longer babies, and I’m struggling with it. The twins are in soccer, they just got glasses, and they are in first grade.
Mr. B has a whole slew of activities, and is practically a teenager. Ok. Maybe not, but fourth grade is a huge step.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m so happy that they are in school, and that we are back to a routine. However, I’m also sad that time seems to be going by faster and faster. Looking at baby pictures the other day, I hardly remember those chubby cheeks. No one seems to fit on my lap anymore. I almost throw out my back when I try to carry them.
Body and Mind
Speaking of my back, it’s not the only thing that’s hurting these days.
Physically, my neck is still sore from the car accident. It makes it hard to sleep, and it’s tough living with pain all the time. I’ve never been a great sleeper, so this has just made the issue even worse.
Then, when you combine that lack of sleep with an already anxious mind, the results are no good.
I’m uncomfortable in my mind and my body.
How to Reboot
I can’t make all these changes by myself. Even though I’ve always been more of a loner and I’m not good at asking for help, I know I need it.
My first step was last week.
I made a doctor’s appointment to discuss my mental health, as well as my sleep, or lack thereof. We’re going to be switching up my meds. There is also one that will have the added benefit of helping the pain in my neck.
In addition, I’ve had a few massages, and signed up for their wellness plan to keep working on my neck.
How to Retrain
Since the boys went back to school, it’s been much easier to get to the gym. No arguing about them having to go to childcare or finding someone to stay home with them.
Usually, the gym is my happy place, but with how tired I’ve been, it’s also been a struggle to see it as that.
So, again, I got help.
I signed up for a class that meets every Monday. I had to pay extra, so that right there will get me there. I never like to waste money!
I went to my first class today, and it was very challenging. Very challenging.
We got our body fat measured, and again, another huge wake-up call. Even though I knew I got off track, I didn’t realize how far off I’d gotten.
Restart and restart again
So, that’s where I am today.
I don’t know what will be the magic combination to help get me back to healthy or feeling good, but I’m trying everything I can. It may not work, and I may need to ask for more help.
Or maybe someone out there has some suggestions for me. I’m not looking for quick fixes, just support or a new way of thinking.
I hope that writing this, I will feel more accountable, and maybe reach someone else that is having a hard time. Know you are not alone.
With time moving so fast, I just don’t want to waste anymore of it being unhappy or unhealthy.
I’m with you. It dawned on me that in a few months we’ll be helping Olivia register for classes for HIGH SCHOOL. We have to get information about driver’s ed because she’ll do that next September. We have to figure out how to get her a car. Then I looked at her and was like- holy hell, she’s got boobs and she’s a TEENAGER. Like a real one now. It’s crazy. I’m not ready at all.
I’m glad you’re searching for ways to get help and slowly, but surely, I do hope they work for you or you find a better method. I’ve been dealing with a lot of back/hip pain this summer (I’m in PT right now) and that’s been rough. I’ve had a bad back for a long time now, but I’m going to my actual back doctor next week and hopefully we can figure something out. It’s just miserable sometimes. I started seeing a therapist earlier in the year too and that has been really great for my mental health. I’m definitely gaining weight, so I’m doing what I can to get moving again and eat better…it’s always a struggle for me though, so *fingers crossed* Anyway, I get what you’re going through on some level and I hope we BOTH start feeling a lot better soon.
Thank you so much Lauren. I’m hoping the same thing 🙂
I feel like this summer was kind of a bust. It went by so quickly and some memorable things happened, but it was all such a blur! Don’t beat yourself up for what you weren’t able to accomplish because looking back, I hope you see happy family memories — you guys saw and did some pretty spectacular things!! Xoxo and always a pleasure to be here ❤️